I felt heavy. As I laid there, flashes of my responsibilities piled in my head, weighing me down and pressing against the brim of my skull. Get up get up get up!!! I would not get up. I was paralyzed with exhaustion and apathy towards the apparent urgency of my work. Why should I have this awful press of guilt inside of me whenever I take time to relax? Why should I deprive myself of the simple pleasures in life in order to "get everything finished"? Is anything ever actually finished? Is there ever a day when I have absolutely nothing to do? Those are the days that I long for, that everyone longs for, but never actually gets. A moment of clarity is soon interrupted by something tick-tick-ticking in ones head - an alarm sounding off whenever someone's spent "too long" away from their responsibilities.
Many days I just want to sit in the sun on my back porch on a cool afternoon, dressed in something soft and comfortable - unlike my stiff kakis and jeans that confine me to the movements of those binding fabrics. I want to sit there and sip my tea, any kind of tea, and think of nothing but the smell of the trees and the rays of sunshine on my skin and the slight breeze across my face and the sweet warmth of my tea, sinking into it like that little lucky pebble. I would sit there for hours and breathe in and out, sipping my tea. I would sit there for hours and do nothing else.
But I can't.
Instead I have to hurriedly gulp it down trying to savor every sweet drop of tea that I can while it lasts because I have to study or I have to do homework or I have to do the laundry or I have to clean the dishes or I have to practice piano or I have to clean my room or I have to do call someone or I have to do something that I forgot to do yesterday! Have to have to have to! Do I have to? No. In reality, I don't have to do any of these things and the fact that I have trouble enjoying them simply because they are there to be done is only my fault. The fact that I cannot relax without feeling guilty about it is only my fault. The fact that I "don't have time to relax" is not only my fault, but it's not even true! I have lots of time to relax! In fact, I have the rest of my life to relax. I simply choose to spend that time working, worrying, and not relaxing instead.
Now, I know that I am not the only one who has this problem. I am positive that every person in the United States could read this and relate to it in some way, shape, or form. What I am not positive about is whether someone from Rome or Lima or New Guinea or New Deli could say the same. My question is, why? Why are Americans so scheduled and orderly? Why are they so obsessed with saving time? Why do they punish themselves for relaxing when they have work to do? Why do they set handwork on such a high pedestal? Do they believe that handwork pays off in the end leading to ultimate happiness and time for relaxation? Because if happiness and relaxation is what we are aiming for right now, why not be happy and relaxed right now? I suppose Americans, including myself, lead themselves into this facade of assurance that by rushing through our days trying to do everything perfectly and get everything done and suck the best out of everything we can, then eventually, there will come a day when we have time to do nothing and need nothing and want nothing. Well, I can say right now that that day will never come - that is, it will never come through the stressful technique we are using now.
This idea that we must feel guilty for not working can only lead us to exhaustion.
If we want to be happy and stress free, we should be happy and stress free.
Why not? We are here aren't we? We are breathing, aren't we? We are alive, aren't we?
Yes, we are! And so am I. So I stayed in bed and lost myself in daydreams, dizzying off every once in a while and slipping into that delicious cup of dreams. It was so quiet. And I didn't feel the least bit guilty... for the most part...
My standing question is: How can the United States come to value life's pleasures as much as work?
I think this attitude might stem from the egalitarianism that pervades our culture. The roots of America are based off of immigration, and creating a new culture from the parts of many. We also believe that cultural castes and groups are not set; they are fluid and can change based on how well one proves herself.
ReplyDeleteSo what does that mean? It means that we can improve our position of life by proving ourselves. For many of our ancestors, this was very important. If you wanted to have access to food, water, education, housing, etc. you would need to move from a lower social class to a higher one. This WAS possible, but it would require hard work.
Sound familiar? Our culture is based around hard work because it means more in our culture. Whereas in other cultures, social classes are set and unmovable, hard work is a way of improving access to resources in our culture. We are all descendants of immigrants, which means that at one point in our family history, hard work meant survival and a better life for our children. Culture is not just something that pops out of the ground, it is transferred from parent to offspring; the culture we have now is a leftover from our immigrant ancestors.
I know for me personally, my grandfather immigrated from Hungary because of the war and hate crimes in his home. Immigrating itself showed that he was someone who wanted to work to "improve" his life. After coming to America, he lived in squalor and had to work long hours in terrible conditions just to get by. He always encouraged my dad and uncle to work as hard as they could so they could go to college and live privileged lives. Because it was POSSIBLE for my dad and uncle to do this, they did. Who wouldn't? And even though my dad now lives in prosperity, he still encourages me to work my hardest at all times, because that's our culture.
But it's that mindset that is what creates this sense of a never-ending workload. Since our position in life can always be improved, there is always more work for us to do. We believe that this egalitarianism is a great thing, and in many ways it is. But our system is that of a stratified egalitarianism, so that instead of everyone being automatically equal, they have to work to prove themselves as equals. In other cultures, work would not be able to improve your status, either because it was already low or already high.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure whether everyone would be happier living in a stratified, non-egalitarian system, in which people were born into social classes that no amount of hard work would get them out of. Sure, work wouldn't be as much of a focus, but how would it feel to be stuck on the bottom? It could be more relaxing, or maybe it would suck. I can't really make a judgement on what it would be like to live in "poverty" because I've never had to. I don't feel comfortable saying that I don't need to work hard, because so much of my life comes from my family's hard work. It's easy to just stay in bed and relax when you know your family isn't depending on you as a source of income; when your little sister is sick and if you worked a little bit harder, you could get the medicine to save her life.
On the other hand, I know how beautiful the Lakota culture is, how much acceptance there is of living in the present and the sacredness of life. I think this stems from the fact that they have almost a non-stratified egalitarianism. People are accepted as relative "equals," but without having to prove themselves. There is much greater sense of community, in that, if you don't have the resources, someone else will provide them for you.
I don't know how this is possible in our culture. I feel like our nation as a whole is too big. Communism works in small groups, but go any larger than a commune...and you get Soviet Russia! How can we cultivate the same sense of equality in such a large group. Most of the time, I feel that it is largely impossible. But if we can cultivate that sense of non-stratified egalitarianism within each of our own groups, maybe then we can make a difference? I'm not sure. It is probably something that will have to change slowly, as generations go by and the culture is passed down.